I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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