After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
