He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
