hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
