I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
