next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
