The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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