Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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