were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
