Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
