Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
