I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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