Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
