It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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