I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
