omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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