If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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