I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
