my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
