I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
