you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
two words: eviction party
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
