saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Randomize
