Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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