in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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