peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
