I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
