Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
