Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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