you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
