you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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