So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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