The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
