please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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