I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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