Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
