she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
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I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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