There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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