stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
