is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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