Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
