You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
