The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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