I didn't shave. On purpose
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
