Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
