I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
this boner is exhausting
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
