someone threw a dead crab at me
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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