you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
