my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
