thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
