She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
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She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
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I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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