I have demons in me.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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