I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
