I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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