Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
