go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
