I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
