A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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