I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
