Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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