Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
