You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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