I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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