it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
