I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
