grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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