one might say we're banned from that church
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
