I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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