i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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