the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
