what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
