dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
