I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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