i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
