When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
