I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
