Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
